Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

Parenting doesn't come with a manual or a list of instructions, so therefore, many decisions we make are trial and error or they are based off of our experiences as children. As a little motor-mouth (as my mother would call me) girl, I was taught that children are to stay in their places and not in the company or conversations of adults. When the grownups were having conversations, children were not allowed to be in the room. We had to go somewhere to play. The adults didn't think children were wise enough to understand their code-switching conversations. Little did they know we understood everything and had conversations amongst each other, so many things we learned from our own perceptions. There are pros and cons to children not having "those talks" with adults. When children aren't given the opportunity to express themselves, we miss out on valuable opportunities to clear up any misconceptions. Then on the flip side, we can take away their innocence and they become 8, 9, and 10 year old adults. Don't be too quick to explain grownup issues with children. Children will forget that they are children and will put all their attention on that which they cannot fix. So, don't waste their time telling them that the other parent is unworthy or that Sister Janie from church is going with Deacon James. They have their whole lives to figure that tomfoolery out. Keep the lines of communication open by filtering.

In this new age of global technology and social media, parents have to be cognizant of their children's interactions with positive and negative people. We can't afford to lose our children to society. We are their first teachers. No peer group, club or organization, educational institution or the like, should be primarily responsible for teaching our children. We are their first teachers. They will become what we put in them. They will also regurgitate what they've learned from us. Learning doesn't begin when they are in kindergarten. Start early. Read and talk to the baby before they enter the world. By doing so, you'll create early open dialogue between you and the child. This is the start of open communication, that which we would not be able to sacrifice in the 21st Century. Your child's destiny is in what they hear and are influenced by. No one has their best interest at heart like you.

Do not be so caught up in your careers and money that you forget to have frequent conversations with your children. They need to know that you are available. Furthermore, you want them to know you are available. For over 1980 days (since he's been in preschool and school), the gist of my conversations with my oldest son has always begin with "How was your day?", and as he got older the question became more specific (How much as passed since I dropped you off at school?, How is your friend, Carter doing in school?). Asking how and why questions will make them talk more to you. Do it! It works. Before you know it, they will be telling you, instead of you asking them. Communication is the key!

Today, I'm recommending Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu's book, Developing Positive Self-Images & Discipline in Black Children.

Jacquetta M. Chatman, Ed.D.
Mothers of Black Boys, Incorporated
Founder/President